Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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