ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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