The maid of honor just puked.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
