I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
