im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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