so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
