We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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