dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
