its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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