Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
