But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
