I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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