This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
