He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
