it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
