So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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