I just made out with a guy for $7.
I cannot find my penis.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
