my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
