Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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