I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
