i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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