She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
