I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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