I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
