well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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