Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
