omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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