this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
