I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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