Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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