WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
