Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
