How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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