We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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