I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
