Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
