I wish I only lived at night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
