So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
