Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
