O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
