Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
