did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
