I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
