recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
