we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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