Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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