Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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