I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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