This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
