the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
